Should you do freelance work for friends (and how to stop it getting weird)

15 May

All freelancers know this feeling. A friend, family member or vague acquaintance pops up with a request that sounds casual and harmless, but smells a lot like unpaid work.

Saying no feels wrong, especially when it’s someone you like or care about, whose opinion matters to you. Saying yes feels perilous, especially if you’re already stretched thin. There’s also shades of flattery – this could be a chance to show off your skills.

But the truth is, running a business means setting boundaries. And knowing when (and what) to charge is one of the most valuable skills you can learn. And deep down you know what we all eventually learn: working with friends and family is FRAUGHT.

You’re not alone here. In a recent poll, 95% of our community said they’ve done freelance work for friends or family. And 65% of those have had a bad experience doing so. That’s a lot of well-intentioned favours gone sour.

This isn’t about being stingy or transactional. It’s about protecting your time, energy and income so you can keep doing what you do best, without burning out or blowing up your friendships.

So read on for permission to protect your time and energy, a guide to navigating tricky friendship/work dynamics and a few helpful scripts for what to say next time you’re asked.

The friendly advice to free work pipeline

It usually starts with something small:

“Can I pick your brain?”
“Would love your quick thoughts on this.”
“Could I grab you for 20 minutes?”

And because it seems harmless, you say yes. No invoice. No strings. Just a friendly, supportive chat.

But then comes more, and suddenly you’re looking at spending unpaid time answering messages, reviewing documents or solving problems that would normally be part of your paid services.

This is the moment where you need to stop and put your boss cap on. Now it’s work, and you’re allowed to call it that.

We asked our community, and 81% admitted they’ve charged mates rates when working with friends – often without setting clear terms upfront (13% said they avoid setting boundaries altogether because it just feels too awkward!).

At Cool Wow Collective, we don’t suggest working for free in most instances because we value our time and want to build sustainable businesses.

Besides, your friends and family want you to succeed — they're probably not opposed to paying you.

Whatever you decide, read on for some helpful scripts.

“I was once offered ‘a yummy cake’ in exchange for editing a friend’s work.”

— Actual Cool Wow member

How to decide if you should work with friends

So, should you do it? If you’re reading this, chances are, you're undecided. Sometimes the hardest part is figuring out whether to say yes at all. You might feel pulled in different directions – loyalty, guilt, genuine excitement, a tight budget or just the fact that this stuff can be uncomfortable!

Before you reply, take a minute to gut-check the situation.

Ask yourself:

Would I say yes if this person wasn’t my friend or family member?
Will I feel resentful if I charge less?
Do I actually have the time and energy for this?
Am I doing this because I want to or because I want to avoid saying no?
Can I be clear about expectations with this person?
Will spending time on this affect my ability to take on other paid work?

You don’t need to overthink it, but these questions might help bring some clarity. Buy yourself some time and take a few minutes before you respond to any request.

“I got a drunk text from an ex asking me to design him a business card.”

— #thanksnothanks

Scripts: What to say when a friend asks for work

So…the ask has come in and now you’re staring at your phone, overthinking how to reply. You want to be kind, but clear. AND you want to protect your boundaries without making it weird.

The trick here is to subtly shift the dynamic from ‘friend doing a favour’ to ‘this is a proper service that people pay me for’.

Here are a few scripts you can use the next time a friend or family member asks for help.

If you’ve done some free work but want to stop:

“I’ve loved chatting this through with you – would you like me to put together a quote for next steps?”
“Happy to send over some formal options if you’d like to keep going.”
“This is heading into project territory. I’ll flick you my rates and we can go from there.”

If you’re charging your full rate:

“Sure! Happy for me to charge?”
“I’d love to help out. I’ll send you a quote so you know what’s included and how it works.”
“This is right in my wheelhouse – thanks for thinking of me. I’ll send through my rate and a breakdown of what’s involved.”

If you’re charging mate’s rates:

“Happy to help! My usual rate for this is $X, but I can do $Y for you as a friend.”
“Sure. I’ll send over a quick outline and quote at mate’s rates. Hope that works!”

If you want to say no:

“I’m trying to be really intentional with my time right now, so I’m not taking on extra work. But I really appreciate you thinking of me!”
“I’m fully booked at the moment and not able to take on favours right now. My next availability is [date] so I can send a quote to look at kicking off around then?”
“I’d love to support you, but I need to prioritise my paid work at the moment. If you’ve got a budget in mind, I’m happy to send a quote.”

If you’re caught off guard face-to-face

(You don’t need to commit in the moment, just buy time!)

“That sounds interesting. Would you mind sending me an email with the details?”
“Let me have a think about that and get back to you when I’m at my desk.”

How to protect your peace if you decide to say yes

Sometimes you do want to help, and that’s fine, as long as you go in with your eyes open and your boundaries CLEAR.

If you say yes to working with a friend or family member, stick with your usual processes and procedures. It’s worth putting a few things in place from the start to avoid regret later or worse, loss of income.

FYI: 40% of freelancers who answered our poll said they always set clear terms when working with friends. That could be you!

1. Put it in writing
Even if it’s just a short email or message, document what is needed, how and when you’ll deliver and what you’re charging. Don’t rely on vague chats at school pickup. Clarity will save you!

2. Treat them like a client
Send the quote. Set the deadline. SEND THE INVOICE. Ask for feedback during work hours, not via a late-night text. Remember, you’re working, even when it’s combined with friendship.

3. Be super clear about scope
Your friends probably don’t realise what’s involved in your process. They might assume a small tweak is no big deal, but freelancers know that 5 rounds of ‘quick feedback’ can pile up. Set the boundaries around revisions, timelines and deliverables upfront.

4. Don’t be afraid to pause or renegotiate
If things start to stretch or shift (and you’re no longer feeling good about it) you’re allowed to stop and reassess. Try saying, “This has grown a bit beyond what we originally planned. Can we book in a chat to reassess?” (emphasis on booking in - remember step 2!)

And don’t forget, if some huge red flags are waving, you’re allowed to wrap up the project and move on, just like with any client.

“Can you write my Tinder profile? (I’m a copywriter)”

— Real request

The takeaway? You should charge your friends!

Working with friends and family is tricky. It just is. You want to help, but not to the detriment of your time, income and other client work.

But protecting your time doesn’t make you selfish, charging fairly doesn’t make you unkind and setting boundaries doesn’t make you difficult – it makes you a business owner.

If you’ve originally offered some of your time for free, and now want to charge, drawing the line doesn’t mean you take back the kindness you already gave. It just means you’re acknowledging the value of your time and inviting the other person to do the same.

The people who value you won’t be resistant to paying you. And the ones who are? Well … that’s useful information too!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Velvet Garvey is a freelance copywriter, editor and marketer living on the Sunshine Coast. She’s also a coworking host for Cool Wow Collective.